Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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