Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
