Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
