i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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