he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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