So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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