best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
