Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
