i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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