She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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