Kiss
Puke
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
