The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize