I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
