I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
