Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
