She's JV to your varsity
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
