Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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