thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
