i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
