If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
