At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
