then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
