Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
