I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
