I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
