drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
