I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
