New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
