Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
