Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
