meet me or not, i'm out of control
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
