just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
