I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
