It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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