So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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