what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
