this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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