I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
