Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize