Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
