Don't make out with my wife yet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
