So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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