I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
