the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
