She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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