Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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