I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
