you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's like heaven, but drunker
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
