There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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