Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
