you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
