that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
