Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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