we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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