i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
