I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
