girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
