I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
