I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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