So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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