the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
