you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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