i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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