I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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