I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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