Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
