That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
