the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
