My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize