Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
