dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
