I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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