he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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