I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
