She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
