There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
