i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
