Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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