Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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