Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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