Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
