I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
