i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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