Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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