then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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