My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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