The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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