I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
