Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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