everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
