My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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