Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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