I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
