is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
