He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
