My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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