Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize