If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
