was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
