Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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