i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
