I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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