we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
